We live in a very different time today then we did in the past and one of the clearest ways to see this is looking at how advertising has changed and evolved. Some of the vintage ads are so hilarious you will ask yourself how any advertiser ever thought to create such a thing while some are plain brilliant.
Here we have collected the best and worst of the bunch for your viewing pleasure!
Begin Early- Shave Yourself!
Let’s jump right in with this absolutely hilarious advert of a cute little babe seemingly shaving himself. Is it trying to suggest this razor will make your skin ‘as smooth as a baby’s bottom’ or is it being literal with the fact that there is no ‘too soon’ when it comes to shaving?
Begin Early- Drink Cola!
And another advert of old with the message that earlier is better, no matter what. This time the catchphrase is “For a better start in life- starts cola earlier!”. It goes on to state that laboratory tests over the last few years have proven that starting cola earlier leads to success…in life…
Now we know that this is the farthest from true and we understand why so many old people suffer from tooth problems, imagine drinking that stuff since you were two!
See what else would get you fired if suggested today...
A Man’s World
Far from the reality we have now, this ad is a perfect example of the hilarious sexism that was back then. It’s not about the fact that it’s a fashionable tie, it’s the fact that it shows the kneeling housewife that it is totally ‘a man’s world’. And just look how happy she is to be on her knees serving him! what bliss…
TV, the best thing for kids!
There’s nothing better for your children that will both encourage them to behave as well as earn better marks than a huge distraction in the middle of your home! Why yes, television will definitely benefit children for years to come…NOT.
Naughty Santa
Just look at that very sneaky expression on Santa’s face! He seems to be enjoying the view plenty from own there. And is helping make women’s lives merry everywhere gifting them with the most glorious stockings and lingerie, what a generous man!
Who needs mistletoe?
Who on earth needs mistletoe to encourage a kiss when you can just get your lady drunk enough on some quality scotch and make her drop all her inhabitants! A bit troubling… a bit hilarious… you get the picture.
The Doctor’s Choice
Surely if more doctors are smoking Camel than any other cigarette they must be the healthy option! This advert hilariously shows how misinformed the public was on health back in the day….just imagine this advert on a billboard today and think about the irony!
The miracle of Marlboro
Watch out camel! Sure, more doctors may smoke you, but there’s nothing like a Marlboro too calm the nerves and keep cute kids like this out of trouble. I mean just look at that face!
“The best things in life come in cellophane”
Just try hold in your laughter when you see this ridiculously absurd advert promoting cellophane in the craziest way…playing in the stalk brings the baby myth and totally neglecting the health hazard seems to be the name of the game.
Be careful which coffee you choose, or face consequences
Of course, there’s nothing like the threat of physical abuse to make sure your wife is buying you the most top-notch coffee out there! So, beware….if he discovers you’re slacking, Chaze and Sanborn coffee assure you a spank will be on the horizon. God, I’m happy I was born in this generation…
Totally safe
Forget the gun control discussion and be grateful we don’t live at the time where revolvers where being advertised as ‘absolutely safe’ along with the picture of a sweet little girl and her doll cradling a revolver like it’s her second toy.
Double Pregnancy
Some of the most hilarious old adverts are those for contraception. Take this one that warns, ‘if your girlfriend gets pregnant- SO DO YOU’! It may be bizarre, but it definitely gets the point across.
Pregnant- friendly ciggies
Looking at this now just looks incongruent…a pregnant figure holding a cigarette? But believe it or not, these nico time cigarettes assure you it is ‘the smooth taste expectant mothers crave!’ talk about another world.
Layered with puns
We can only assume the ample sexual innuendos are done on purpose….from the catchphrase “the more you play with it, the harder it gets” to the overtly sexual description…it actually took me a minute or two to realize they were talking about an arcade game! Who knew how racy advertisers in those days could be…
Tell me about it, stud
This is just precious. From the fashion to the way the men are standing… to the promise that all you need is these jeans to turn you from a ‘dude’ into a ‘stud’… I know what I’m buying my man for Christmas this year- stud jeans! Lol…
Connect the dots…
This ad from 1946 is promoting Roller Bearings and the questions are endless… why would there be an advert for these in the first place? And what on earth do girls in sexy Christmas costumes have to do with it?
That special Zing
Supposedly it was in 1903 that they stopped putting cocaine in Coca-Cola, but judging by this 1962 advert which promises coke gives you that special ‘zing’ down your toes, it may have been a couple of years later… I want me some of that cola!
Preventing suicide like only formula 9 can
Clearly, mental health and suicide were not treated with one-millionth of the sensitivity it is today, take this ridiculously hilarious advert which uses a woman’s threat to kill herself as a way to promote a hair product….very smooth…
Tape Worms for the win
Yup, you aren’t imagining…this ad is actually suggesting that in order to stay thin, all you need is ACTUAL ALIVE TAPEWORMS ingested in your body and you can eat all you like! The staying thin part is great, the ingesting live worms’ part I simply cannot wrap my head around.
Going Steady
Another ad that has us scratching our heads… ‘If you’re giving it up, you’re going steady with Hitler!’ I mean. I guess that’s one way to put people off sex before marriage….one very very strange way…
The harder she works….
What better way to sell vitamins than to sell the idea that the harder a wife works the cuter she looks! I mean, at least this ad gives credit to the fact that cooking, cleaning, and dusting can be hard work…
Beer for your babes
No, you’re not seeing things, this ad actually suggests that Balz Beer is all a young mother and her infant child needs for that ‘pick me up’ we all crave. The actual description is ‘the malt in the beer supplies nourishing qualities that are essential at this time’, fetal alcohol syndrome was definitely not a consideration…
Nothing like half-dressed little girls too cell travel!
Apparently, DC-8 allows underdressed little girls near airfields alone with no safety hazard involved. But let's just dissect this ad a little further. Firstly, these poor girls must be freezing, notice the adults near the plain wearing trench coats while these two have no pants….secondly, the suggestiveness of the phrase ‘from the ground up’ is one thing with adult models, and entirely different for children
Jimmy’s got a gun
This ad suggests to a long-standing and pretty violent war brewing between little Jimmy and his blissfully unaware mother. The question is, who more at risk here? Jimmy with the gun he clearly doesn’t know how to use (notice his hand on the trigger) or his poor mother!
Poor poor Dutch boy!
Led paint was apparently a common thing to give to Dutch children, so much so that there seems to be a whole band of lead-filled items this poor kid has to paint with. This is Dutch Boy’s lead party which is kinda sad…notice he is the only child there most probably because the rest died of lead poisoning and he’s left with a light bulb, a plate, a nutcracker and a shoe for company.
The answer to all our problems
Do you want to prevent parents from committing murder or suicide? Beating their children senseless? Losing their temper time and time again? Switch to decaf coffee and all your scary domestic violence problems could be cured! Because there’s nothing like being incredibly tired ALL THE TIME to solve issues.
Becoming a Man
Of course, the rite of manhood all begins with the sacred Gifting of the Typewriter… or so suggests this hilarious advert from 1976…
Christmas Morning Kisses
Hmm just which one will you settle for? The watch that deserved an “extra hug”? the “kiss for every jewel?” or maybe the one that gets her to say “Darling”. Of course, one look at your watch and she won’t be able to resist!
Baby male strippers
The only thing sweeter than Karo syrup is a cherubic baby dressed magic Mike himself. This ad is like the lottery for pedophiles and I assure you if any advertisement showed a naked child with stripper wear today, FBI would be breaking down doors.
Cocaine toothache drops
No, you’re not misreading… cocaine toothache drops were actually a thing and were available for only 15 cents! So, let’s get our kids hooked on coke as soon as possible!
Where she belongs
Yes, we know sex sells, but this ad just tips it WAY over the edge. We have a naked woman lying on the floor looking like she wants to make love to a shoe. So many levels of sexism over here I actually cannot count.
Don’t ride it, eat it!
When you think of a pony you think of the little treasure all girls want to ride, but this cutie seems more than content putting it in her mouth, Dickman’s horse fat spread is the new way to have a pony experience and vegetarians can shudder all they want.
Pigs suicide
Okay, it's not in English, but even so, I can tell this ad is the most tasteless on the bunch, and even though I am in no way vegetarian I am outraged! Plus, how unrealistic can you get, no one looks that happy as they cut into themselves.
Blow in her face?
Apparently, all girls need is to be blown in their face by harmful carcinogens in order to grow eternally loyal and follow you everywhere. I dare you to try this trick at home these days. I dare you.
Walk all over her
Its like they just had absolutely NO boundaries back in the day! ‘its nice to have a girl around the house’??? why, so you can literally walk all over her? proving that back then girls were merely for decoration…
Innocence is sexy?
Selling pedophilia like its nobody’s business is Love Cosmetics. Because innocence (and little girls holding teddy bears looking seductively at the screen) is as sexy as you get.
Butter me up
Don’t worry about this little boy munching on chunks of pure butter, he is just lubricating his arteries and veins! No health risk involved whatsoever, totally legit.
Rudolph and the secret of his glowing nose
We are lucky we have Rudolph to teach us important lessons like the fact that radioactivity is nothing to be afraid of! In fact, it’s the secret to his marvelous nose glow! Its crazy to realize how ignorant people were back in the day, and scary to think how in 100 years we will be looking back at the ads of today…
Priorities
Its all about priorities in life, so if you can’t be a drunk and a businessman at the same time, say goodbye to cash flow and focus solely on your whiskey intake!
A good beating
What better way t advertise a family friendly bowling game than by making some wife beating innuendos? ‘have some fun, beat your wife tonight’ is apparently the catchphrase that brings most of the customers in.
4 Good Reasons
The sexualization of air hostesses is still something being combatted today, and this ad is the perfect example of how it was at the height of the air hostess exploitation. What reason do you need other than eye candy and some flirting to book a flight at this airline! Never mind guaranteed safety, this is so much more important.
As racist as it comes
While some ads used sexuality, others were just outright racist! Take a look at this one which tries to sell pears soap by showing how it magically transforms your complexion… this would be banned before you could blink in today’s time.
Sex Appeal Magic
Look at the bright side, at least this ad is selling putting on weight rather than losing it! Low and behold, the secret to upping your sex appeal and becoming ‘the queen of the beach’- ironized yeast to the rescue! (hold in your chuckles)
If only….
The phrase ‘be a man’ has never been abused as wholeheartedly as it was in this recruiting for the Navy ad which tempts girl with the privilege of feeling like God's greatest creation- the male!
The Multifaceted Car Exhaust
Carbon monoxide just got a whole lot more fun when the idea to use a car's exhaust to clean cushions took off! Reading this ridiculously wordy pile of junk on the ad just shows how ill-equipped we were back then to live as healthy individuals.
All your protein daily needs!
To be honest, the average Australian meal is a handful of trash, but I cannot swallow the fact that MacDonald’s is any better. This ad, promising to supply customers with more that ’55% of your daily protein needs’ And of course, ‘a higher level of many vitamins and minerals’ is truly laughable.
Who needs trees?
Screw ecological farming, farming with dynamite is the way to go! Apparently back in the day, there was nothing like explosives to ensure a good turnout of crops for farmers across the globe.
Sleep under it!
Radiation be gone! apparently, this sun lamp is so darn healthy your little baby can even sleep under it! A new sunlamp that’s not only safe but gives you a glorious tan…I would call child services asap.
All the vitamin goodness you need
Get all the vitamins and minerals you need, digest as many donuts as you can! Actually though, they have the chutzpah to suggest that each donut is ‘fortified with a minimum of 25 units of Vitamin B1’. The health expert that established this must be on something.
Shock yourself with this treat
Nothing says ‘I’m not crazy’ like a $12 electric shock belt. And they even bless us with a 10-day free trial! Honestly, the aim of this advert and who on earth would go out to buy this torture device remains a mystery to us all.
You can eat it…but would you want to?
Sure, white petroleum can have many benefits, but selling it as something ingestible may not have been the smartest thing they could have come up with.
It’s a modern-day miracle!
Not only will this soap get you clean but it will get you young and it will get you skinny! Now let’s think about this if there really was a soap that acts like magic making you as skinny and young as you want I, sure it would still be around…I smell something fishy, and it’s not the soap!
Sounds legit
Do you want to know when someone is being deceitful? Look no further than Vaught’s Practical Charter Reader. From a deceitful eye to a deceitful chin, it will ensure you never have to be fooled again! And will be weirdly analyzing people’s faces every time you talk to them! Win-win situation.
Fat Girl’s Best Friend
Honestly, anything titled ‘fat girl’s diet’ is bound to fail. But this ad is weirdly detailed giving special (and pricey) tips for everything like ‘how to get rid of a double chin’, to ‘special diet for fat stomachs and thick waistlines’….
An awesome brand name
Its almost as though the guys behind this advert sat in a room for hours on end to think about a tactful way to advertise this diet…and came up with ‘reduce your FLESH’. Honestly sounds like a rather scary torture technique to me. I like all my flesh thank you very much,
Who needs meds when you’ve got chicken?
Asian Flu? Cold’s miseries? Worry not! Throw the medicines away because apparently all you need is some chicken soup and you’ll be on your way. The question is this: how many chickens do we have to eat before we’re invincible?
Clergy, doctors, and psychology approved!
Apparently, the task of explaining to kids just how they came to be was of the utmost importance, that’s why this tape answers all your child’s curiosity, but worry not, there is no poisoning their minds- this tape is approved by everyone that matters!
A nice little boy
Try your best not to laugh when you read his catchphrase for Pears soap: ‘a nice little boy had a nice cake of soap worthy of washing the hands of the Pope’. Sure, it’s got a ring to it…if you ignore all the very creepy images it puts in your head.
Chubbies rejoice!
Sure, they’re total jerks, but who could say no at those prices! Maybe the word ‘chubby’ had a different connotation back then, but I find it hard to believe anyone wouldn’t find this ad a little derogatory.
Seven-Up, so pure, so wholesome!
This baby is certainly no sprite man, the little cherub seems to be happy beyond to be ingesting those gross chemicals in his high-seat, that’s what you call parenting at its best folks.
Starting Young
Get that addiction started early and who knows how crazy she’ll go for coco puffs by kindergarten. Because there’s nothing like encouraging destructive habits from as early as possible.
Having fun from when you’re young!
Granted, this ad came out in 1874, and we guess when the chances are that you won’t live past 40, you may as well start having fun young.
Devil baby beans
Just look at those evil eyes! It’s almost as if he is screaming “those beans would go great with a side of your soul. Talk about freaky, id stay away from those beans if my life depends on it (and it may!).
The secret of sugar
No, this one is plain confusing, and the proof is definitely NOT in the pudding. Apparently enjoying an ice cream before lunch is all you need to ensure your diet will succeed…. I mean, if it works sign me up!
You’re Not Dreaming
One of the defining factors of old ads is the hilariously sexist messages, take this beautifully designed ah with the catchphrase ‘Dreaming of a WHITE Christmas’ and the perfect housewife whose biggest wish is to be gifted with none other than….a sowing machine! Talk about a Christmas dream!
A Young Brooke Shields
Okay, let’s unpack this fantastic ad one at a time… there is the incredibly unnerving doll, the seemingly disconnected message of the pictures and the product, and the last for best- the young Brooke Shields! Does it get any better? I think not.
No life insurance? Beware the orphan asylum
Letting this stark image speak for itself, it seems the Prudential Insurance Company of America will have you believe missing one payment on your life insurance will force your wife to hand your kids up to the world’s meanest looking woman and the rest of their days will be like something out of a Charles Dickens novel…so pay up!
As addictive as crack
It's not that Wrigley gum is made from crack, its that children are just so addicted to the health benefits of ingesting processed sugar after every meal, so hurry daddy, get us those 25 minutes of flavor out of that 300 pack!
Another Pears Soap fail
